Chicken and broccoli.
- Dude, are you all right? - Never better.
Fish Halman here, bringing you breaking on-the-scenes coverage...
...of an explosion of mayhem, and lewd behavior...
...that has swept the Long Beach area.
Our viewers may remember a similar series of incidents...
...which took place three months back...
...involving this unidentified man.
Police are now confirming that today's events...
...are the work of that very same psychotic deviant.
Ted Garcia is standing by in Hollywood Park with a live report.
- Take it away, Ted. - Thanks, Fish.
I'm standing here with a group of people-
Families, seniors, and degenerate gamblers.
- that are shocked and traumatized by what they've witnessed here today...
...when what started as a sunny, Southern California afternoon...
...at the races turned, without warning, into a public, open-air porno.
Did you say porno, Ted?
Straight up, Fish.
I'd like you to meet Glenda Lansing of Hawaiian Gardens.
Glenda says she had an all-too- up-close-and-personal encounter...
...with the suspect just moments before the shocking incident occurred.
That bastard had his filthy hands all over me.
Can you describe exactly what happened?
I never saw a bastard who wanted it so bad.
He put his filthy hands on every part of me.
Okay, that's a little too much information for this broadcast.
Can you describe the man that assaulted you?
He looked like that fella from the movies.
The T-Bag.
T- Bag?
You know, the Trainspotted fella?
- Built like a brick shit house. - All right, ma'am.
You know that kind of language is not gonna fly on TV.
That son of a bitch.
He treated me like his hot little whore.
Explain to me...
...how you let this motherfucker get away.
He just went buck wild and killed everybody.
But not you.
I just got lucky, eh?
You know the drill, bitch.
Do it.
Do it!
Now the other one.
You got yourself another chance.
I don't think you'll fuck it up next time.
Now go get yourself a Band-Aid.
And go get me fucking Chelios, cabron!
That's the last time. The last time that son of a bitch...
...leaves me with my ass in the wind in front of 8,000 people!
- Lemon. Hey, hey, hey! - Randy?
- Hi. - What are you doing here?
It's about the dude.
What dude?
- The asshole. - What about him?
He's on every channel. The guy's a fucking psycho killer, baby.
Every cop in this city's looking for him, not to mention the fucking beaners.
- The fucking Orientals. - So?
So? So? So the heat's on the street...
...and that dude's playing for keeps, baby.
I have no idea what the hell you just said.
- Look. Lemon. Lemon, look. - What?
I know we've all been down our dark roads in the past, okay, babe?
I need my hair did, my nails did. You ain't gave me no money.
Where you been at, Randy?
If I ever catch you with another bitch...
Well, you do got a big-ass dick for a white boy.
Anyway, look, the point is, you're my lady now, all right?
I don't think it's safe for you to be out there with that-
That sick fucko running wild right now.
- You can say that again. - Look, look.
Listen to me. Here's what I think we should do.
- What, Randy? - All right, I say we go to the fuzz.
We tell them everything. We come clean.
- What? - The fuzz, all right?
I mean, I'd kill this guy myself, but I got two strikes against me.
- Let go of me. - Look, baby.
All right? I'm trying to be cool to you, but I will drop the hammer.
You want me to drop the hammer, baby?
I'm in no mood today, Randy!
Lemon!
Freeze!
Hey!
Now, spread it.
All right, let's go.
Against the car.
Don't leave no skid marks, nigga.
- Work that ass, baby. - Ride that shit, big sexy!
Put your arm up, son.
Eight seconds, nigga! Yeah.
Oh, my God.
- Hello. - Orlando?
Venus! What is up, my man?
Where you been, man? I ain't seen your ass since-
We was all of us broken up about what happened to your brother. You okay?
- Orlando, I need your help. - Venus, come on.
You my nigga. Can't get no bigger.
L.A. Underground, we're like a family, man.
We a freak-ass family, but we family, all right?
- We look out for our own. What? - I'm looking for a man called The Ferret.
El Huron.
Shit.
Ferret?
Oh, great.
Hydrated, man! Keep him hydrated!
- Step on it! - Hold it in. Hold it in. Hold it in.
Fuck.
This is an ambulance, you fuckhead!
Keep hydrating those organs!
- Hold it in! - Jesus.
What are you doing? This is an ambulance!
Right, motherfucker. I'm aware of that. I'm in need of emergency services.
Yeah, we have got a guy in the back of the ambulance!
Get him out of here, man.
- That's one of Don Kim's blokes. - This man is in critical condition.
- Get out of here. - I'm aware of that.
I'm the fucker that put him there.
- Now... - Okay, he's got a gun!
- You're my physician. - Okay.
I'm in need of an external lithium battery belt...
...for an Avicor Total Artificial Heart.
- Might you have such a thing? - We're gonna lose it, Bronc.
- Please, look, this guy is fucking dying. - Don't worry about him.
He's not gonna make it.
- Now, about my battery. - Yeah, you said the Avicor TAH.
Yeah, we got it. But why?
- Holy shit. - Chop, chop.
Okay.
- He's fucking dead, man. - Do you mind?
- You ready for this shit? - Do it then.
Turn the fucking thing on.
Feels like crack.
Yeah, but better.
You know, those things aren't designed for strenuous activity.
Tell me about it.
- Stop the fucking ambulance! - Dude, we got to go to the hospital.
Fuck!
Bing fucking Crosby.
Breathe out. Raise your buttocks upward by first walking-
Come on, down with that doggie.
Down dog-
- Hello. - Doc, I'm close.
So am I. Chev, can this wait a second?
I think I've found that motherfucker that's got my organ.
I think I got the skinny on that Triad geezer from my girls on the street.
Old news. I'll get back to you when I have the tart.
Chevy, wait!
Chev Chelios!
Fucking clowns.
Cunt!
It's completely normal to be freaked out...
...when someone has a gun at your head.
- I would have shit myself. - I still have nightmares.
Everybody has nightmares.
The point is, by coming here and talking with me...
...you made a choice to confront your issues and lick them.
I can't even leave my fucking apartment. I-
Every time I go up to leave the door, I see the guy with the gun.
- I'm having a really bad day. - Oh, shit.
Tell me you got epinephrine in this fucking cart.
Think about it like this, Engleson.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
You gotta go out and enjoy it.
Knock back a couple of beers, hit a titty bar.
- Excuse me? - Have some smelly snatch rubbed...
...in your face. You gotta get out there, man.
Yeah. I've gotta do it.
I'm gonna go and tackle the world.
No, don't tackle the world.
Tackle a fucking whore. Get your dick wet.
- Yeah. - Dip your wick into life a little bit.
- Have some fun. - Yeah.
I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna floss my teeth with some pubes.
- Oh, now you're on it. - Thanks, doctor.
- Oh, my pleasure. - No, no, no.
The pleasure's all mine.
I'm done with fear.
My life begins today.
Fuck!
Hey, maybe we better call 911.
Where's my box?
Five more like that, and your brains will be strawberry jelly.
You can't look in that box!
The key and the fucking combo.
No!
Do it.
That's better.
This isn't my fucking pumper!
What is that?
What kind of sick freak carries something like this around in a box?
I am shocked to my fucking core.
You've got some deep problems, motherfucker.
What the fuck is that?
Fucking gotta come back and fucking gotta find out...
...what the fuck is this?
What the fuck is-?
- Hello. - Doc.
When you hung up on me, I was trying to fucking tell you something.
Your heart was transplanted three weeks ago...
...into that Shaolin motherfucker.
- Fucking great. Now what? - I'm on it.
Poon Dong is still in L.A. And if I'm right...
...he's got what you need in pristine, working condition...
...beating inside his chest.
- Good. Where do I find him? - Don't worry about it.
I got people on the street.
Good luck with that, Doc. I'll try it my way.
Come here, you.
Up you get.
Okay, darling, one last dance.
Where's the fucking old man?
What old man?
Hey. Hey. I got 5 dollars that says you blow me for 20 bucks.
Oh, stop. Stop right here. Stop right here.
Hey, baby.
Hey.
- Hey, baby. How you doing? - I'm doing okay, baby.
- Yeah? - How you doing?
What you need?
You know what I need.
Come on. Come on, Daddy.
Fuck you, Chelios.
Tell me what he's like when he's at home.
When he's home, he's like a ghost.
He just plays those video games all day, all night.
- Video games? - All day.
And you let him do that?
I mean, you did buy the games for him, yeah?
Of course.
Why should I deny my son?
- How are you today, Chev? - I'm golden, sir.
Your mom tells me that you've been getting into quite a bit of trouble.
- Is that true? - Yes, sir.
- Regretfully, that's true. - What kind of trouble?
Fighting, talking back, pinching.
Pinching what?
Televisions, stereo components, books from the library.
- That's not all. - No, sir.
Also a till from a restaurant and one car.
- A toy car? - No, sir.
A BMW Z1.
Hey, sit.
People, people, all right.
I hear you've been having quite a bit of trouble at school too.
Chelios.
Nothing I can't handle, sir.
- I have a lot of piss and vinegar. - He's hyperactive.
Oh, shit, Mom.
You want to watch your dirty little mouth, son.
- We tried giving him Ritalin, but- - Chev?
I sold it.
With all this energy, you've never thought about...
...I don't know, trying out for sports?
- I like to run. - Chev, where's Dad?
I never met the wanker. He died before I was born.
What do you think he'd say if he saw you acting out like this?
Don't know, sir.
If he were here now, and he asked you:
"Why the bloody hell do you do the things you do, son?"
- What would you tell him? - Don't know, sir.
- Bored, I guess. - Bored, he guesses.
- Bored? Bored? - Shut up.
We're gonna take a short break now.
And when we return, we are gonna find out...
...what makes you tick, little man.
Hey.
You okay? Wake up.
Wake up.
Ria, baby.
What happened to you?
What are you doing out here?
What you out here for?
I'm looking for the man that killed my brother.
Yeah.
I have to go.
I might not come back.
Give the girls kisses and hugs from me.
I kiss and hug all the pussy. You go kill cocksucker.
Some boyfriend you got there, Ms. Lydon.
He lied to you for six months regarding his work?
Which I guess wouldn't be such a big deal if he wasn't a hired killer.
He made you a target for the South American mob...
...for kidnapping, torture, or worse.
He sexually humiliated you in front of what...
...I don't know, half of Los Angeles?
Twice.
Twice. And then left you there to take the rap?
And now you can add an arrest and a police record...
...to a list of wonderful things Mr. Chelios has brought to your life.
Help me out here, sweetheart, okay?
Because- Because I'm a little bit confused.
Why the fuck do you continue to protect this asshole?
That's a dicky question.
Besides, I don't know who you're talking about.
I mean, I'd like to see you fall out of a helicopter and live.
What?
It looks like you made bail.
- Great. Can I have my stuff back? - Yeah.
Yeah. Just a- Just one little piece of advice.
Wake the fuck up and smell what's burning.
Fuck.
Hola, Chev.
I take it you're the greasy fucker that's been hunting me all day.
The Ferret.
Some people know me by this fucking name.
And many men have died cursing the name of El Huron...
...as they choked on their own blood, and the blood of their families.
Colorful geezer.
I was born with another name.
The name of my father.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hell.
And my father's father's.
We're all very sad.
And the name...
...that I share...
...with my two brothers...
...Alejandro...
...Ricardo...
Verona.
Oh, I can tell, while I dig, dig, dig...
...that you had no idea that there was a third brother.
Nope. That fact escaped me.
What I assure you of, is I would have made it a fucking hat trick.
I got a trick or three for you, cabron.
I'm gonna make you wish that you was never a man.
If you want to kill me, you get on with it.
What's the rush, Chelios?
I know someone who's going to love to watch this.
You.
- You got the donor? - Like you got a boner.
Hey, baby.
You always say you want to be more spontaneous.
Cowboy.
We gonna go back to my place.
- Yeah. - That sounds good.
Ricardo never wanted my money, Chelios.
He was too stubborn.
Wanted to make his own way.
Now I think he likes what my money can buy.
The technology to keep his brain alive.
Not forever.
But long enough to watch you die.
Yo, Ferret. This ain't Roots, man.
Yeah?
Hey, cabron.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
You killed my brother, motherfucker. Prepare to die.
Fuck you, Chelios.
This way, sugar.
Confucius say, "Karma's a bitch. "
Hello, Ricky.
Why do we go on like this, Ricky?
Hurting each other.
Water?
Did you say water?
H20?
Coming right up.
Chev Chelios. Chev.
Chev.
Chev. Chev!
Cut the battery.
Battery's out.
Paddles. Give me the paddles.
What's going on?
Chevy? Clear!
Fuck!
- Shit! - No! God! No.
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
What the fuck?
Jesus.
It's so hard to keep a straight face.
Sorry, Ches.
Stay on the marker!
- Let's go. - Body parts ready?
- Yes. - All right.
Here we go!
- And- You set there? - Ready?
And action, Mike!
Andrew!
Go! Go, Lance! Run, Lance!
Action, Manny!
Dropping loads all over your silly wages!
You think these muscles are free?
You think this cock's for free?
No way! No scabs, no crabs!
No scabs, no crabs!
I'm gonna bang that bitch in the back!
I'm gonna bang your prisoner!
Dropping loads all over your prisoner!
Look at Jason and say it.
Dropping loads all over your prisoner!
Dropping loads all over your silly wages!
Yeah! Yeah!
Fuck you!
I take it you're the faggot that's been hunting me all day?
No.
The faggot.
The faggot. Oh, sorry. The Ferret.
No dough, no blow! No dough, no blow!
Dicks like this don't come for free!
Lips like this don't come for free.
That's what I meant to say.
I meant lips like this don't come for free.
All right, keep going.
Oh, a horse.
What?
I never had it that way before.
- Let us kiss for a second. - Okay.
Yeah.
And here we go. And action!
Water.
Fuck, you need a few mints.
- Holy shit. - Unbelievable.
- Yeah. - Holy shit. Fuck.
That was fucking awesome.
- Let's cradle the balls on that. - Good job, buddy.
- I'm sure we got it. - You good?
- Yeah. - Good job, brother.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Fuck, that was hot.